Friday, May 11, 2012

what lies ahead...

I'm not sure its a good idea to blog when you're all emotional & overcome, yet that's usually when I feel the need to.  It's a bit like facebooking when you've had a few too many wines, you just shouldn't do it. But here I am, regardless.

My baby went back to school today after a couple of days off sick.  I went into his classroom to help the kids with their spelling lists, I love it and I love how they love it too.

I dashed home after that, ran around catching up on all the things that have been left by the wayside with my sick little guy around.  I dashed off to the shops to get things for dinner.  I dashed around here and there and then suddenly I stopped.  I looked out at the sea and this nagging feeling that has been hovering over me for so long, suddenly felt so overwhelming, consuming me completely.

I don't know what it is.  A sense of change is looming, and the feeling becomes stronger and stronger all the time. It feels positive and good, but at the same time like knots in my chest.

What is it? When will it happen? How will I know?

I took in our tatts ticket to be checked, just in case we were suddenly millionaires, but no, not that.  I polished off a whole packet of white chocolate raspberries which might indicate it's just the time of the month for all those wayward emotions, but no, it's more constant than that.  

It's unsettling, it makes my hands sweat a little, makes it hard to breathe, excitement and nerves make me cry a little.

Time will tell..    

17 comments:

  1. Oh Mel, you gorgeous girl. You will work it out. Trust in yourself. I find reading the daily emails from The Brave Girls Club quite encouraging when I'm feeling like this, if you don't already receive them. J x

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  2. Beautiful post. I had that feeling earlier in the year, just before we moved into our new apartment. The unexplained excitement and nervousness about what it meant. I still dont really know what it meant, but our new apartment is the most beautiful home I have ever lived in. I have plans for it, to make it mine, my style, my loves, for my girls to grow a few more years older here (as we dont know how long we will stay in HK for) I am finding "me". And that is unexpected and wonderful.

    Embrace the change!

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  3. It sounds a little bit like a mild panic attack, it could just be apprehension but just make sure its nothing more than that xxx

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    1. I did wonder about that, but its a feeling that has been hovering there in the background for a while and then today suddenly engulfed me..

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  4. Hi, what a lovely photo and yet it seems also to be telling the story of where you are just now. The path/top of it winds on almost to the distance. There are rocks and other strange things ther but, though they might seem fearsome and squashing, they are also there for protection and guidance because they are supporting it's path. There are a few tiny curves but mainly it goes on to where its maker intended that it should go...protected all the way. But it is not only a protected path it also protects others from whatever the strong winds and waves may try to do...it just stays there solid within its protecting shield! Don't know where that came from and it may mean nothing..if so delete/ ignore it!! Joan

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  5. I hope that this feeling will pass soon, that you get to walk along the beach and those feelings are taken away, perhaps some time in the garden will help to ground you it always helps me. Take care. xx

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  6. Beautiful photo. Life can be such a roller coaster of emotions sometimes. Hope some calm seas come your way soon.

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  7. Mmmm, not sure what to say about this Mel, but it sometimes does help to 'let it out' when you're feeling emotional. You've got me so curious and wondering now! lol. I'm so very glad that it at least feels positive to you, rather than ominous or threatening. I suppose.....just go with the flow? Big hugs and thinking of you. ♥

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    1. It's definitely positive Pam & exciting too..x

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  8. Living with anticipation of something you know is coming is hard enough but knowing that something is coming but not knowing what must be nearly impossible. I hope that whatever it is is wonderful and brings you joy. x

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  9. We've just been through a year of change. And we've more changes around the corner too. My conclusions are that change is often hard, even when it's good change, but that it hard is not necessarily a bad thing. (I hope that makes sense). I hope your change works out to be good and that you can feel calm whilst awaiting it!

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  10. Sounds like an icky tummy feeling. Hope those impending changes lead to good and lovely things for you and your family.

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  11. Life constantly changes and sometimes it's just hard to keep up with it all. The future is always uncertain and something I think we all worry about. Sometimes I feel like this in the middle of the night when I wake up, but it passes. Wishing you well on your journey x

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  12. I have been feeling rather unsettled for a few months now Mel and have only just recognised it as being extreme homesickness. I hope you find a little bit of calm in your days.
    x

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  13. hope this feeling passes soon. . . or the source at least reveals itself in a big a-ha moment.

    rachel xo

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  14. I suffer from anxiety - that is what this sounds like. It hovers in the background and every so often it rises to the surface. Not pleasant. Exercise helps, quiet meditation/prayer helps, and finally, meds help!

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