Sunday, April 1, 2012

broken..


He did it, he broke me.

The little guy, for all his gorgeousness broke me down.  He is the most unbelievably strong willed little person I've ever known.  Nothing works on him like it did on the others.  He pushes and he pushes, he's relentless.  He knows, always, that the outcome is not going to be in his favour, we've never given in to his tantrums, bad behaviour has never been rewarded.  He always ends up missing out and loosing privilages, yet he just keeps on pushing.

It is getting a tiny bit better.  These moments are fewer & often shorter, so hopefully he's growing out of them altogether, oh how I hope he is!

I know you have to pick your battles, but I feel torn here. I can't just accept this kind of behaviour for the sake of peace & quiet, surely that's not going to benefit him out there in the real world.

It started at bed time, I could see where it was headed early on, I could have gone to him, soothingly, catering to his unreasonable demands, it would all have been avoided if I had.  Hubby's away for a few days, it helps when we have each other to take turns dealing with this.  On and on he went, then suddenly snap, I lost it. Lost my temper.  Of course the entire situation just escalated from there, of course it did!  Tears, anger, yelling & banging.  

In the end no one got what they wanted and nothing was achieved.  

I didn't sleep.  He wakes up perfectly happy ready to start a new day, no mention of the night before, while I lie there exhausted, flat, and well, just broken. 

I got up made pancakes, like Daddy usually does on the weekend, but there was no love in those pancakes I tell you!  I sat,had my brekky, trying to work out how I get passed this like he does, having a sulky muma isn't helpful and I can feel the atmosphere in our home.

Today's a new day. 

Today he's been his lovely, gorgeous self (most of the time).  Affectionate, considerate, funny.  Playing beautifully with his brothers, constantly sneaking up and wrapping his arms tight as can be around me.  He's adorable..today.


24 comments:

  1. I feel for you, I really do. I don't have children so I can only imagine moments like these. I'm glad today was a better day.

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  2. Unlike your first commenter, there is no need for me to 'imagine', because I KNOW. And you should know you did everything right - right up to the 'snap'. And as far as the snap goes, well I get that too. I'm a fast forgiver but I'm a fiery type too - and I've had my share of 'snaps'. The most important thing, I reckon, is to look at the why and the how and then get back to doing what you were doing in the first place: giving parenting your best, damned shot.

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  3. B-O-Y. I have one myself. He's a Scorpio and I know where the sting is. But, I did catch him saying to his father today, "Boys do sew, Dad." And for most his mucking about, he can be excused!

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  4. Oh man this parenting gig is tough sometimes.
    I wish you a love and sunshine filled week Mel.
    xx

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  5. We are a quarter of the way into the threes, and this last week or so we have been struggling. And it's so sad and frustrating to see our usually lovely. polite, fun little boy be so rude, angry and stubborn.
    As not nice as it is, it is nice to know others are having similar battles.
    I hope it is a better day tomorrow. A better week this week. For all of us.

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  6. Being a parent is the toughest gig I've ever, ever had. I've snapped more often than I'd like to admit. You're not alone there. Lucky they can be adorable as well.

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  7. I agree with Emma......Its so hard with the youngest I'm in the same pattern for the sake of peace and quiet.....patience is a non-renewable resource....your just the best Mom out there!

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  8. I hear you, I feel for you and I understand. Our youngest is the most strong willed individual I know, and at four it is amazing that he is so set in his ways already. From the moment he could speak if he said NO, then that was the answer, no way of trying to get him to see it from a different angle. My Mum said to me that she didn't know you could be so stubborn, I said I have to stay strong with him, because otherwise he will just walk all over me. I love him and our oldest, it is just so frustrating some times. I want the boys to grow up to be happy, honest and loving, so we are trying our hardest to show them the way, by living this way. Sometimes I snap too, and then I feel bad because I feel like I am being a hypocrite. By not keeping calm. Sometimes I snap at the littlest things and sometimes at the wrong things, if I make a mistake I apologize to the kids for it and try to keep moving forward in a more positive way. I am trying to look at each situation as a new one and trying to focus more on good behaviours and more praise for them. I am trying to teach myself to stop and think more, before I act or react to how the kids are interacting together.

    And as both Kate and Emma have said parenting is a tough job. But, I think in the end we all do the best we can. I think we can learn alot from our kids, if they can start the day all new and happy then maybe that is the lesson for us as well(I know it's hard to do when you feel broken). I think you are doing well, take all the love he is now giving you and use that to mend your bruised heart. Accept his olive branch and just keep loving him. I hope by doing this with our's that he will grow out of the tanty stages and know that he is still loved, important and a valuable member of our family.

    I hope things balance out for you soon. Cheers, Deb

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  9. Sorry typo in my above comment, it should read "My mum said to me that she didn't know I could be so stubborn"

    Cheers, Deb

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  10. Agree with Emma.... 'toughest gig ever'. End of term, on your own... sometimes they know when we are at a low point. Be kind to yourself. Being a Mumma is incredibly hard. Hoping the sun is shining now and you can all rest up and re-energise over the easter break.

    Kell xx

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  11. Thank so much to you all for you're very helpful & wise words. It is a new day, a whole new week in fact, so on and up from here! I've said it before & I'll say it again, thank goodness he is just so darn adorable the rest of the time..x

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  12. Feeling for you too and understanding what you mean with a three year old of my own. They know how to push us and it hurts because we love them so dearly. Hoping this is just a phase that he'll grow out of quickly. xx

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  13. Strength to you today. I have only a little 2 year old but have been so close to snapping, mainly when I am over tired. Also I realise I start making comparisons in my head. Like "why can't he do like other children and sleep past 5am" It becomes a real battle of wills. I really got some solace from reading Deb's comment.

    I can only see how much you give to your family. The safe lovely sanctuary that you have created.

    x
    Jill

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  14. Yes I know all to well, that is the one things about my kids that I know I will appreciate when they are older but as children the strong will power kicks my butt. I definitely choose my battles because each one is usually hours long. With my oldest I don't think they ever resolve it just kind of rolls over into the next lol...And with the hubby deployed I feel ya on the single parent aspect too. Insanity I tell ya :) ((hugs))

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  15. Just remember that he knows that no matter what he does or how hard he pushes, even if it is just that little bit too far sometimes, you will always give him unconditional love and a safe place to 'act out'. You have given him that. x

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  16. Stay strong,its always harder to do the right thing,but worth it in the end. One day he will appreciate the lessons he has learned having a mum that truly cares.

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  17. I hope that you are feeling better today, it's a hard job and sometimes it's really really hard. My youngest I have to battle with, she has a temper that is hard to manage but it is easier now then when she was little. I have snapped, it's a horrible feeling inside. Once things calm down I will go and talk to them, explain how I felt and often that will make things clearer for both of us. I hope you are feeling better now and so is your little man. Take care. Hugs. x

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  18. I'm surprised it's taken this long - you must be made of much stronger stuff than me! I broke when my first-born was about 4 weeks old and I've been putting myself back together, piece by little tiny piece, ever since. I think that's what we mothers do - fix ourselves daily.

    I am glad to read today's post and see that things are looking up. That's the way it goes, huh? x

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  19. Mel, we all get pushed to our limit from time to time..it's part and parcel of being a mum. I have snapped more times than I care to remember but my children have taught me that tomorrow is indeed another day :)
    Glad that you are feeling better today. Enjoy your holidays.
    x

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  20. Oh Me,you gorgeous girl. I completely get where you are at as the same thing happens on Planet Baby. Every single day. Know you're not alone, my friend. It's 'Operation Pushback' and we're the parents in charge! J X

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  21. Gosh, I'm shocked! I must say, my children always do what they're told and I only have to warn them once and they back straight down and behave well. I'm obviously just an excellent mother and never ever have to lose my temper!!

    Waa haa haa, sorry couldn't help myself!!! Being the mum of 3 boys is EXHAUSTING, we're only human, I don't think it does them any harm to see us lose it every so often, shows we're humans with emotions too! My 4 year old is a shocker at the moment, the terrible twos? Forget it, the feral fours are much worse!

    xxx

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  22. I just love how good they are at living in the moment. What happened yesterday was yesterday and today is a new day. No hard feelings.

    rachel xox

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  23. Parenting is so hard! But reading this made me think that perhaps we need to take a leaf out of their book and learn to let things go the way they can? I find it so hard to recover from a big meltdown, too. And meanwhile my daughter just about skips away humming. Kellie xx

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  24. I can relate, one of my 2 girls is very strong willed. I just remind myself that when she is an adult they will call her determined and that it is a trait that will get her a long way in life.

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