Thursday, March 17, 2011

apron strings...


Our big boy went on camp this week.  I felt so weird & anxious about it this time.  It's not like he hasn't been away before, but somehow this time is different.  He's changing, growing up, and I'm not ready for him to do that yet.  Although I do think a few days away from us all will do him good.  No little brothers getting in his way, Mum not on his back about this or that, late nights & fun with his friends.  It's good medicine for all of us to do that occasionally! 

He's craving his own space and independence.  He's always been a sensible kid, so it's not that I don't trust him to be responsible, it's everything else out there that I have no control over that frightens me, I think.  I know it's all part of growing up, all those experiences, good & bad, help to shape who we are, but I want to wrap him up in a safe & secure little cocoon, I'm not ready for him to grow up yet, not ready to loosen the apron strings even just a little.  He is only 9 years old, he's still a little boy & he'll always be my baby.  I tell all my boys this, they'll always be my babies even when they are big grown men with babies of their own, and they laugh at this, picturing their poor old mumma fussing about them.

I love that he hugs me often, quietly & unexpectedly and then continues on his way.  I love his smell in the nook of his neck where I would bury my nose when he was tiny & breathe him in, I love how he still wants me to sing the same bedtime song that we have always sung every single night, the way he looks up to and admires his dad, and so proud when I notice something & say "that's just like Dad". I love his wacky sense of humour and how he plays & plays for hours on end, his imagination is limitless.

And I love that he comes home tomorrow, I can't wait to hold him & hear all the stories about camp.  But who am I kidding!  The reality will most likely be that he's tired, grumpy, stinky & not wanting to talk about much at all! I remember being exactly the same after being away from home.  I'm sure after a good nights sleep in his own bed we'll hear every detail over breakfast...

11 comments:

  1. What a lovely post! Camp is so much fun for them but he will be so happy to be home. My eldest is 18 and it doesn't get any easier trying to let go

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah, I know exactly what you are talking about...when our 18 yo left home a wee while back it was so hard. I knew we had raised him to be a responsible young man but as you say we have no control of the influences they come upon...at the end of the day we have to trust that we have done the best we can in raising our young men. Letting go is never easy and my babies will always be just that, even when they themselves have babies :)
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gorgeous post Mel. My big girl goes on camp in two weeks and I've been feeling the exact same thing. It is a hard thing for a mama to have to let go a little. I bet he's having the best time ever.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sniff, little boys are magic aren't they? I say the same to mine, they will ALWAYS be my babies, even when they're bigger than me! My eldest turns 6 next month, it feels like no time since he was born.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think we're living a parallel existence this week (except you have a lovely apron). My nine year old comes back from camp tomorrow too. Thirty minutes ago I realised OK! That's it! You've been away for long enough! Come home NOW.

    I too am prepared for the home time grump, but am hanging out for that half minute of 'So glad to see you Mum' bliss. x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh...the memories of being the horriblest teenager ever to my mum, when I came home from camp..I'm not proud of those memories either. Hopefully he's not too bad! Love the apron.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Enjoy those cuddles when he comes home, hopefully he is not too tired and has had the best time, at the same time he will love coming back home:) It is so hard to let go and watch them grow so quickly before your eyes, I can't remember where the time has gone. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to let go but I'm sure that my girls will let me know:) xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. my middle boy just came back from camp all he wanted was a hug and bed no talking

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, Mel...
    I spend my summers on camp with my kids, so I get to see both sides of the coin. I'm sure he had a great time, but will be more than ready to come back to real life.

    Beautifully written, of course...

    xx
    w

    ReplyDelete
  10. Fantastic post. I have linked to it, regarding my own parenting challenges!

    ReplyDelete

hello! thanks so much for visiting x